I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
