Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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