And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you didnt know i had herpes?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
