I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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