When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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