I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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