Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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