This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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