I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
