what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
