Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
