he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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