I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
