my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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