.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
