i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
