he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
