What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
