how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
