I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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