i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
