oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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