I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
