Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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