I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
