found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
