May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
love makes seman taste better
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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