So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize