Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
