I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
