Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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