I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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