haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
