Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
