If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize