speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
