I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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