if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
