Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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