I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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