I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
