And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
