You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
