My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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