He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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