i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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