So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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