im having a threesome with these popsicles
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
