A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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