Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
