I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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