there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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