so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
