Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize