I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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