The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Couch. On fire.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
