Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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