I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
