It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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