i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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