Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize