i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
