I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
